Monday, November 06, 2023

Renaissance Continued

     So this is day two. I've spent the last week ruminating about what to write. Multiple sclerosis has been an integral part of my life since 2008. So I decided to continue a discussion with absolutely no one about it. 
     I will begin with a review, mainly for my own benefits since my memory is degraded so drastically since this has begun.
     My ordeal with this disease probably began in 2006. I was experiencing severely crippling back pain. After I had moaned and whined about it for a while, my darling wife, with the most sincerest love and affection, looked at me and said, "We have insurance. Go see a doctor about it, or quit bitching."
     I began seeing a neurologist. After a few MRIs, an EEG, and some other tests, my neurologist decided that my problem was from a pinched nerve in my lower thoracic spine. I was constantly told that pain is actually much better than numbness.
     I spoke with a former colleague at the time about a good spinal surgeon that she could recommend. I received the name of a very prominent surgeon in my area of Georgia and asked my neurologist to refer me to this surgeon.
    On the day of my pre-op appointment, I drove to the surgeon's office and something bizarre happened on my drive. My legs started going numb from the waist down. I could drive but I had to watch that my feet the correct pedal. I did not think anything of it at that time. Just that perhaps I was sitting oddly in the car.
     Upon reaching the surgeon's office, I was told that the surgeon was not in today for an emergency surgery, but the pre-op could be set up in the surgery scheduled without her being there in person if that was all right with me. I wanted the pain to stop, so I readily agreed.
     As the nurse was going over my history, routinely she asked if I had any new symptoms. I mentioned that this morning my leg started feeling numb. She asked me if she could perform one more test. I agreed.
     She told me to lift up my shirt and then close my eyes. Then she poked my stomach with a needle and a tongue depressor. Each time she asked me if I had felt anything. My answer each time was I feel you touching me. Then she had me lower my shirt and open my eyes. At that point she ended the appointment, saying that the surgeon would be in contact with me in the near future.
     After a few days, I received a call from the surgeon herself. I can still remember it:
     "We don't think you have a pinched nerve. We think you might have MS." 
    Somewhat shaken, I went to someone that I know who was diagnosed with MS and asked what I should do. She very sincerely and emphatically told me to ask my neurologist to refer me to a specific doctor at the Shepherd Center in Atlanta. 
       I returned to my neurologist, who was visibly shaken by the surgeons discovery. He was very quick to write me a recommendation to my current MS doctor, Hope only works with MS patients. 
     From there, his office had to make sure that I actually did have MS, nothing else. After an extensive MRI of my entire nervous system using a much more powerful device that the Shepherd Center uses, and an interview with my current doctor, a clear MS diagnosis was made in 2008. A lot has changed since then. 

Monday, October 30, 2023

Once more unto the blog dear friends, once more. 😒

.    Mondays are always a good place to begin, especially if that beginning causes a lot of pain. I began this blog a while ago, and it's still exists despite my feudal attempts at seeking meaning through it. I'm pretty sure that I am only returning to it so that my brain can be occupied with something productive. I have found that being left to my own thoughts instantly directs me to dark places to which I cannot afford to return. I have no idea about what to write in this so I'm just going to make it an attempt to vent all of my verbal diarrhea and mental vomit. 
     I have yet to develop a goal for this coming year. But I think that will be my goal from now until December 31st. I have so many negative thoughts pumping in and out of my brain that I need somewhere to vent them. If left untreated, then they rot, fester, and bubble forth into my life like foul pockets of stagnant shit bubbling out of an old septic tank.
     I cannot change the septic tank, its contents, or their smell. I can only hope to allow the built up stench away to escape from me into the void of nothingness that is the internet. I am fairly certain that these words will go unheard, and for that I am grateful.
     I made it my goal, a long time ago, to go gently into this. Good night. This is not a retreat or a resignation. This is merely a positive realization of what will be.
     It is also a fleeting hope of mine that these words might inspire someone and as desperate a situation as I find myself to become active and avoid the utter void in which I have found myself.
     However, I am not so immature. I only hope that this venting will help myself. I know that it is too much for me to think of myself in a position of being able to help others.
    So, with this happy note, I'll make these a weekly routine. If, however, I find this to be truly relieving, then it's me resurface with more frequency. 

Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Looking Back

The Last Word

     I began this year with one goal: Write one poem a week for the entire year, using predetermined topics and genres, about different aspects of my life with this MesS, also called Multiple Sclerosis. I am not sure how seriously I can take these textbook examples of doggerel, but without further hesitation, here is the last.

So, now a year has come and gone.
This collection is almost done.
Poems for a year,
Giving me a clear
And sincere
Denouement.
-Josh Evitt, 2019-

Tuesday, December 24, 2019

To My Dear And Loving Wife

My Wife

She stayed with me through so much strife.
She helps me see a better life,
And lets my strength grow!
So, let the world know,
my love show,
For my wife!

We Are Family!

Brothers and Sisters!!

They did not leave when it arrived,
And with their love and help, I thrived
It’s not been easy,
At times uneasy.
Thankfully,
I survived.

Thursday, December 12, 2019

With Friends Like These . .


Amigos, Buddies, Pals, Friends

While some of my friends from the past,
Through this progression, might not last,
Others will stay near,
Unshaken by fear.
And sincere
Holding fast.

Tuesday, December 03, 2019

New Month, New Poems

Clogyrnach

     So, for the final month, I have chosen the clogyrnach, a Welsh style adequately fits 'winding down'. So, here is the first of the last.
It has many different faces,
Arriving from different places:
Mind, body, or heart.
With a random start,
Like a dart,
Pain races.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Just Gimme Two (more) Steps

Walking

My steps are now forsaken.
So that hope will soon appear,
Resolve remains unshaken.
My want to walk is sincere.
(Josh Evitt, 2019)

Monday, November 18, 2019

I wish there was a Chill one.

Pills

Symptoms might need prescriptions,
Or meds that are bought retail
All with unique descriptions,
Symptoms I hope to curtail.
(Josh Evitt, 2019)

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

The Only Spaghetti I Don't Like

😱Atlanta Traffic😱

A source of much frustration
And it will never relent.
This is the trip’s damnation:
Rush hour’s trail of pure torment.
(Josh Evitt, 2019)