An Island, Not An Ivory Tower

     Donne once wrote that, " . . . No man is an island . . . " (XVII). 

     While I agree with the idea that we are all connected as a culture, a race, a planet, multiple sclerosis has made me into an island. Yet, I'm not an island in the way that he intended it. I do not consider myself above, superior, or better than anyone else. Likewise, despite my often self deprecating spells, I don't really feel superbly inferior to others. Here a few examples of my, "Islandisms."

• I might react improperly to things.
  MS can often mess up how I verbally and physically respond to things. It can be funny, embarrassing, or insulting. The worst case happened about three years ago. At a party with some new friends, one brought me a beer, and I flicked him off! I still think of that every time I see him.
• I might use the completely wrong word without realizing it.
  I don't mean saying the wrong color when asked if I prefer black over blue. I mean complete phrases that have no meaning. I will think I'm using the correct words, hear them in my head, and then wonder why no one understands me.
• Sometimes I use no words at all.
  I will carry on a conversation with someone and yet at times say nothing.
• I get tired doing almost nothing.
  Even to get out of bed requires a lot of effort. Going to the bathroom requires me to plan my steps from whichever place I'm sitting to the nearest, accessible toilet. I often find that this means I do not go some places.
• I often seem aloof.
  I'm actually just more aware of my potential for embarrassing either myself or someone else. My silence can come across as a snide or snotty superiority, but it's more of a cautionary measure. When I do not speak, it is to prevent using the wrong or improper word. I also refuse to join people at times because I will be too far from a restroom.

Like an island, these barriers are not impassable, but it's not done with ease. Things like: the ubiquitous, "Spoon Theory," and the growing number of instances I see of MS in popular television shows do help. As it was so eloquently said, "You just gotta keep livin: L I V I N..."(Dazed & Confused, 1993).