Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label meditation. Show all posts

Monday, November 06, 2023

Renaissance Continued

     So this is day two. I've spent the last week ruminating about what to write. Multiple sclerosis has been an integral part of my life since 2008. So I decided to continue a discussion with absolutely no one about it. 
     I will begin with a review, mainly for my own benefits since my memory is degraded so drastically since this has begun.
     My ordeal with this disease probably began in 2006. I was experiencing severely crippling back pain. After I had moaned and whined about it for a while, my darling wife, with the most sincerest love and affection, looked at me and said, "We have insurance. Go see a doctor about it, or quit bitching."
     I began seeing a neurologist. After a few MRIs, an EEG, and some other tests, my neurologist decided that my problem was from a pinched nerve in my lower thoracic spine. I was constantly told that pain is actually much better than numbness.
     I spoke with a former colleague at the time about a good spinal surgeon that she could recommend. I received the name of a very prominent surgeon in my area of Georgia and asked my neurologist to refer me to this surgeon.
    On the day of my pre-op appointment, I drove to the surgeon's office and something bizarre happened on my drive. My legs started going numb from the waist down. I could drive but I had to watch that my feet the correct pedal. I did not think anything of it at that time. Just that perhaps I was sitting oddly in the car.
     Upon reaching the surgeon's office, I was told that the surgeon was not in today for an emergency surgery, but the pre-op could be set up in the surgery scheduled without her being there in person if that was all right with me. I wanted the pain to stop, so I readily agreed.
     As the nurse was going over my history, routinely she asked if I had any new symptoms. I mentioned that this morning my leg started feeling numb. She asked me if she could perform one more test. I agreed.
     She told me to lift up my shirt and then close my eyes. Then she poked my stomach with a needle and a tongue depressor. Each time she asked me if I had felt anything. My answer each time was I feel you touching me. Then she had me lower my shirt and open my eyes. At that point she ended the appointment, saying that the surgeon would be in contact with me in the near future.
     After a few days, I received a call from the surgeon herself. I can still remember it:
     "We don't think you have a pinched nerve. We think you might have MS." 
    Somewhat shaken, I went to someone that I know who was diagnosed with MS and asked what I should do. She very sincerely and emphatically told me to ask my neurologist to refer me to a specific doctor at the Shepherd Center in Atlanta. 
       I returned to my neurologist, who was visibly shaken by the surgeons discovery. He was very quick to write me a recommendation to my current MS doctor, Hope only works with MS patients. 
     From there, his office had to make sure that I actually did have MS, nothing else. After an extensive MRI of my entire nervous system using a much more powerful device that the Shepherd Center uses, and an interview with my current doctor, a clear MS diagnosis was made in 2008. A lot has changed since then. 

Monday, January 22, 2018

Get Your Head In The Game

Meditation
Mindfulness
Introspection
     We've all heard about meditation and it's benefits to this MesS. But, I never really understood it, even now that I have started trying it. At the beginning of this year I started seeing a psychologist to help we with some building anger issues that began to creep out. 
  • Getting angry at the drop of a hat
  • Swearing A LOT
  • Catching myself saying the most hateful things
     So, at my wife's request, I began seeing a therapist and was introduced to the concept of, "Mindfulness." Yes, it pretty much is just guided meditation, but it is also really difficult to do with the end result being much more of a tolerable person. 
The steps which were presented to me are:
  • Find a quiet place
  • Focus on breathing
  • Empty thoughts
  • Eventually bring one's mind back to the present.
     This seemed all well and good until I tried it. I keep on spend the most time thinking, obsessively, about how much I've failed. I am going to keep at it, but not solo. I have created a playlist of just one song that repeats a few times. It's a song that is purely instrumental, calming. 
     I have also begun looking, my doctor's suggestion, at a website called Headspace. It's an interesting site, and if you're in my situation of wanting to practice 'mindfulness', then feel free to check it out.

Here is my 'mindfulness' song.