Something Isn't Correct

Coordination

Some things are meant to go well with others:

Colors of clothes, the tastes of food and wine,

Matching outfits for sisters and brothers.

All are set to be a lovely design.

Raising a glass to my lips as I dine,

Or bringing food to my mouth as I eat,

Or simply tying a knot in some twine

Becomes, to me, an impossible feat.

So many things have been rendered obsolete

With the loss of my coordination,

But I refuse to quit and face defeat.

I leave you with one last contemplation:

From chopsticks to pens, I have lost so much,

But I will press on, even with a crutch.

-Josh Evitt 2019-

Fatigue/Lassitude

Lassitude

There are times when my energy is drained.

MS fatigue can strike out of nowhere,

Making me feel as if I have been chained

To this disease, injured beyond repair.

Fatigue raises its head, bringing despair

That I never will be free from this MesS.

At times I can barely steer my wheelchair,

Making clear just how far it can progress.

Fatigue also causes mental distress.

The worst part of fatigue impacts my brain,

Hindering the steps of my thought process,

Causing the ones I love to see my pain.

Due to fatigue, and the havoc it brought,

This fight cannot be won, but will be fought.

That Was Weak

Weakness And This MesS

Symptoms will continue their progression.

Basic tasks have become complicated,

As this weakness furthers my regression

Leaving me even more irritated.

Loss of strength often leaves me deflated,

With just barely enough ability

For minor tasks, leaving me frustrated

At my state of constant futility.

As weakness lessens my mobility,

I will refuse to sink into despair.

I will accept this disability,

And take my stance in a wheelchair.

I will not stop moving will not submit.

MS will lose this fight I will not quit.

-Josh Evitt 2019-

✱Note: Yes, I know this one stinks. I figured that it would fit the subject.✱

Do You Feel Me?

Numbness

A symptom of multiple sclerosis:

A loss of feeling throughout my body.

I have been living with this neurosis

And a weakened sense of what touches me.

On most days I will find myself nearly

Dropping anything that I try to hold.

I miss tactile feeling so dearly.

But 'meds' and OT help keep it controlled.

It won’t relent, even as I grow old

Scars, bruises also bring testimony

To how powerfully numbness can hold

Me in its icy grip of larceny.

Despite this theft, I will still live my life.

I will be there for my children and wife.

MRIs, Music, and Me

In keeping with my plan, here is my next poem.

Be warned, it is horrible.

The time has come for my next MRI.

The Shepherd Center is my objective,
And I arrive with hopes reaching the sky.
No new lesions! Rituxan’s effective!

I must keep still for an hour, or more
While the machine examines my brain.
The droning lures me to sleep, and I snore,
Listening to the numbing beats galore.

Soon it will be the time for my next scan.
To sit for an hour in the device
And then discuss with my doctor the plan
Of how to treat MS, with his advice.

So, then in six months time I will return
For my next scan to see what I can learn.

I'll Drink To That

Bottoms Up
or
Down the Hatch
or 
Or hundreds of other ways to say, "Lets drink!"

To sit calmly and enjoy a good draft
Of beer sitting at home or at the bar,
While I savor the brew-master's craft. 
I think of the beers in my repertoire

Thanks to this MesS I more easily feel
Alcohol’s buzz as it enters my brain.
This allows me to handle the ordeal
By helping me see the fun through the pain.

Alcohol might be proof that God loves us.
The flavors and potency also show
Alcohol as a gift most generous,
And happily I let spirits flow.


There’s a hidden benefit in this MesS:
To feel a good buzz will cost me much less.

Respite, Holiday, Recreation, Intermission, Sabbatical

Take A Break

Vacations now require extensive

Plans. So that the dependability

Of my wheelchair will grant comprehensive

Preservation of my mobility

Now the time has come for a camping trip,

Always taken in the late Fall season.

Summer’s unbearable heat, I must skip.

Dodging Spring’s rain is the other reason.

I now can enjoy camping in a tent,

But there are still some dangers to avoid.

I don’t want my energy to be spent

On trifles and my endurance destroyed.

Yet, in spite of the work that is needed,

I enjoy vacations unimpeded.

Summer's Hell Begins With:

😱💀Sonnets💀😱

     I know that I should have employed this genre in April. But, there are two very different and compelling reasons as to why I did not. First, as Eliot said, "April is the cruelest month." For me, April's constantly altering temperatures and humidity increase the severity of my symptoms with this MesS. Secondly, and much more importantly, the realization of this did not hit me until the middle of April, and, as I had already started my month of Haiku, I could not bring myself to change my path. Therefore, what follows is my first attempt at a month of English/Shakespearean sonnets.

Summer

As the days grow warmer, symptoms increase

In their frequency and severity.

I remain in my house, seeking surcease,

Guarding my cool air with ferocity.

Summer nights can be slightly bearable,

Providing shade from the malicious sun,

But humidity remains terrible,

Summer’s seasonal hell has now begun.

Air conditioning will also relieve

And abate the constantly climbing heat.

With cooler air granting me a reprieve.

I will not be subdued, face defeat!

Yet, despite the heat, I will abide

To watch my children as they play outside.

-Josh Evitt 2019

Are you in the mood?

Swing Away!

Moods are funny things.

They can change so suddenly

And with no warning.

Not being haughty,

I just tend to be cautious,

Keeping my distance.

MS can cause my

Reactions to you to change:
The wrong emotions.

A day might start well,

But medication can help

Keep stability.

People often say,

"Misery loves company."

For me: solitude. 

Rub A Dub Dub, Never Getting In The Tub

Taking A Seat
(in the shower)

Taking no more baths-

Water must never be hot-

Using shower chairs.

Scrubbing with one hand

Used for balance when eyes close:

Proprioception

Simplicity helps:

Soap, shampoo, conditioner,

All in one bottle.

It's my greatest fear:

If I should fall while bathing-

Naked and need help.

At the shower's end

Taking longer to exit

Than the shower took.