New Year Resolution(s)

     I remember when I foolishly began this blog that I had two noble goals:
👉Vent my frustrations with this disease safely and quietly
👉I hope to benefit, at least, one other person

     However, I am not sure that I was able to do either of those. While looking over my past entries, along with their accompanying Twitter notes, I have reached a conclusion. I am not a good blog writer, but there really is only one way to get better: keep at it! So, as the song goes, "Second verse, same as the first: a little bit louder and a little bit worse."

     So, I've recommitted myself to doing this blog thing better. I've been reading other blogs and I've noticed three commonalities:

     Purpose: the more popular ones that I've seen have an explicitly seen goal. They have a reason to be.-After thinking on this, I decided to re-state my purpose for this blog. Rather than simply allowing myself a place to vent and hoping to benefit 'others', I am going to focus on listing, researching, and offer help on problems which I have faced, or still am facing with this MesS.

     Structure: they are highly and creatively organized, using polls, articles, references, and sharing endorsements from other writers.-When I started this blog, I really had no structure whatsoever. I thought it would be amusing to make it as sporadic as MS. Little did I know how frustrating that would become. So, in short, it's been 'fixed'.

     Demeanor: generally speaking the 'popular' blogs are very optimistic. They're not always 'happy', but even in the most troubling stories that I have seen is an air of hope.-This is going to be the most difficult change for me to make. I am a pessimist. I do not see the glass as either half empty or half full. I see it as containing poison. I am stating here that I am going to try to sound better, not idiotically happy, but also not as despondent as I am wont to be. I am not going to exult in my problems just as much as I am not going to wallow in them.

So, with all of that said, please allow me to wish you a happy new year!

Experiment: Gluten free?

     I have officially embarked on a new journey. I am trying a gluten free diet. At first, I was anxious about it. I really didn't want to give up a lot of the foods I like, have to buy only expensive, often severely so, foods, or adopt veganism. But, upon researching the topic, it turns out that most of what I feared to lose did not need to be avoided. Then there's beer-cue the exasperated, "Sigh." But, I've figured a way around that mountainous molehill: Vodka! Speaking of vodka, I've also started trying gluten free recipes that I've either used before, without caring whether or not they were gluten free, or discovered after looking into the topic.

Here's some reasons why I'm hoping it'll help my symptoms:

1. Multiple Sclerosis News Today
2. Verywell.com
   
3. Naturally Savvy

     So, here's my first choice: Leek and Potato Soup. It is from a wonderful web page All Recipes.
Here's the recipe (PDF)

Good Monday Morning, well what's so good about it?

     I just got some interesting news today. In less than a month I'm headed to the Shepherd Center for a wheelchair evaluation. I'm not sure how this will proceed, but I am excitedly pensive. I have been watching my walking going downhill for a while. Things like: walking, moving rapidly if I'm falling, easily getting in and out of bed, moving from my walker to a chair, and even getting to the toilet in time are getting more and more difficult.
     I've been told that this might be avoidable, but I also understand the randomly sporadic¹ nature of this disease.  I'm not sure how much I really want a wheelchair, but with each day I am beginning to see how I might need one.
     I'm not looking at this optimistically or pessimistically. Rather, I see this as, in the words of Monty Python, "Something completely different." I've been using a mobility scooter for a few years now, and I like how it's given me access to so many things I once had to quit. I'm not sure how this will progress, but I'll enter the fray hobbling as best as I can.

¹Multiple sclerosis is not only sporadic in what symptoms may appear, but also random as in regards to how severe, difficult, or debilitating they can be. Yes, it sounds redundant, but there's no other way that I can find that adequately describes this MesS.

Happy Monday oh wait it's Tuesday. . . Ugh😈

Weekend was fun:
Still blistering hot for October, even in Georgia, on Monday. Tuesday has been MUCH better.
Had a good time at the Greenville Swamp Rabbits game, even though they lost.
Best part: Barley's Taproom after the game!
I'm still looking for, and sometimes finding, the silver lining on this cloudy MesS.

Renaissance

     Well, it's been a while, but I've mustered the energy to try to start this again. I figured that I should get back into this. But, about what should I write? I could discuss life hacks for MS, resources for  medicines, or try to find to find something inspirational in my life with this MesS, but all of these present me with a dilemma: my life just isn't that interesting. So, I've decided on, as I thought about this failed blog over that last two months, that I am simply going to write pursuant to my 2017 resolution and not plan ahead. I have been following one other blog, and there is no way I could ever conceive of writing that well.

End Of "Hermiterbination."

     Well today marks the weekend of 'Spring Cleaning '. Yeah, I know Spring is over, but in my world NOW is the time to begin ending my hermiterbination. The weather is about to be better, school's back, and soon it'll been time for more Rituxan! I cannot wait for this summer to end.
     Saturday was rough, though. My wife started and will finish her project of making new bunk beds for Raelin and Saoirse. She's awesome, but at the same time I cannot help but to feel worse. My wife is busting her self on a construction project, and I can barely make it to the restroom to avoid messing myself like two year old baby. Every time I hear the saw, drill, or hammer it constantly resonates in my head, "LOSER!" But, then again I also have done the dishes, am getting  ready to prep the four year old for bed, and then maybe I can figure out how best to mop the kitchen floor. Is it cool, fun, or entertaining? NO! But it is something. I am still trying, succeeding, and, of course, failing. But at least I am doing something.
     So, what next? There a few options that I see. First, I can quit this blog, saving myself some anxiety. Second, I can implement an attempt to increase how often I post here, thinking that people actually read it. 😀 Lastly, I can change nothing and enjoy the stagnation. I guess my end result will become apparent within the coming few days. Blogging is A LOT more exhausting than I expected.
     I've also caught myself thinking about returning to work. I've looked at several types of stay at home jobs: call service, tutoring, and others. I am just not sure if I have the ability to stick with a schedule. I think I am going to try, but I just don't know if I want it badly enough to force myself to do it.
     But, I still hold to my motto: the only true optimist is the pessimist. I really do no longer hope for the best, but rather, I expect the worst. My expectations not being met is my goal. :)
     On a lighter note, football is just around the corner, and my Steelers are looking good.
   

Happy Birthday, Saoirse!

     This past Tuesday was my daughter's fourth birthday. She's never ceasing to surprise me. While looking over my shoulder as I perused my Spotify playlists, she began reading the titles: "What?" "This Means War," and, "Creature of the Wheel." Utterly flabbergasted, I played White Zombie's song, and she started headbanging to it! If there ever was a doubt, it's been settled. Between her loving Zombie (White and Rob) and her sister's love of anime, I'm either raising the cool goth kids or the crazy artsy kids. I'm happy either way. 😈
    On a more serious note, I also started more PT (Physical Therapy/Torture). Because it has been so long since I had been to therapy, I had to get evaluated, yet again, wait for approval from my insurance, and then begin. The main focus of this round will be transfer.
In the past month I have fallen A LOT. I really do not mind falling. It's the getting back to my feet that's painful. The therapist is going to help me develop a routine of prevention and tactics for returning to my feet. I am also looking into a possible wheelchair evaluation. IF I end up needing a full time wheelchair, then I want to use a manual one as long as can. I already have an electric scooter for longer 'walks', but I don't yet want to be in a "Hover Round Commercial."
     School also starts this week, and I will need as much energy as possible for Raelin's and Saoirse's orientation. So, as the heat increases for summer's last, gasping choke hold on me, I'm off to the AC. 😁

TIMBER!!

We've all heard the question, "If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then does it really make a sound?"

     Well, while I am not sure about trees and their sounds, I am fairly certain that when I fall it does make a sound, in fact, several. Here's a brief rundown of what happened when I fell just a few days ago, described by the 'sounds' that were heard. 

• First, there is the creaking whine of my hand brakes on my rollator as I try, desperately and in vain, to halt my movement just long enough to regain my balance.
• Second, comes the hissing sound of the locked wheels of my rollator as it revolts and continues to slide across the linoleum floor, taking me to my, "Event horizon."
• Then comes the barrage of, sometimes R-rated, words shouted as the realization hits me: I'm falling.
• Next, there is the resounding, "Thud!" My body hits the floor and I try to convince everyone that, "I'm OK."
• Finally, there comes a little, "Thump, thump thump," of a three year old hoping that mommy's home, followed by a revelation: "Daddy's on the floor!"

     I do not think that I would have minded falling as much, if I had only managed to fall nearer to a couch, or a chair, or even a bed low enough to allow me some leverage to regain my feet. Rather, I fell in the middle of the kitchen: slippery floors, smooth walls, and no furniture. Four hours later, I was back on my feet. Well, it wasn't just four hours of me simply trying to stand. It was four hours of: grunting, cursing, praying, bargaining, shouting, more cursing, and one embarrassingly vulgar twitter rant. But, I did make it to my feet, 'counter walked' to my rollator, and promptly took a nap. 

Insights I gained from this fall:

• I need to be patient. If I hadn't been in such a hurry to get to the kitchen, to get to my scooter, to get to my van so I could go to my chair yoga class, then I probably wouldn't have lost my balance.
• I need to take things one step at a time. Look at the above list. 
• I need to do a better job cleaning the kitchen floor. Being face down on an old linoleum floor really opens one's eyes. 😏

     So, I'm back on my, well back to using my walker until I fall again, which probably will inspire me to visit the seating clinic at Shepherd. 

Until then, adieu.

Well, I tried

"The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men

Gang aft agley, 

An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,

For promis’d joy!"

-Robert Burns, "To a Mouse" (1785)

     This little excerpt from Bobbie Burns fairly adequately sums up how my week has been. I had planned so much and bit by bit, step by step, hobble by hobble, collapsed under me. Simply put, I'm too tired to type. See yinz next week.

Ugh heat. . .

So, went to Helen GA last night for some beer and GOOD wings. Only 45 min drive, but through the mountains, and catching it today. Take care, working on something better next week. On the fun side, though, here's a reflection:
Am I suffering today? YES!
Are my mental processed messed up? DEFINITELY!
Am I tired like hammered [expletive]? YOU BET!
Would I ever do this again? DUHH OF COURSE!!!

Do not let this MesS run your life.